17 February 1999

I saw Eclipsic on ICQ last night. He paid me a compliment I never expected to get from anyone -- he said he thinks that I'm a great writer. Having spent a substantial part of my adult life (and a goodly chunk of my youth) trying to pummel the English language into submission, I really appreciate that. Don't know if I truly believe it (and just what are "toroidal waves," anyway, Eclipsic?), but it gives my self-confidence a sorely-needed kick in the pants. The fact that I respect his opinion helps, too.

You see, I have fallen in with an online community of fiercely talented people -- cy, Sarah, and Eclipsic, just to name a few. These three have amazing websites, each with it's own flavor. In fact, I bet I can identify them...

Cy is lemon -- bitingly acid when consumed straight, but add a little sugar to temper the flavor and you have something really tasty.

Sarah is vanilla -- rich and multi-layered, a scent as well as a taste, welcoming, comfort. Vanilla enhances the other flavors with which it is combined, and it's not bland or plain by any means.

Eclipsic is coffee (despite the fact that his heart will vibrate itself to bits if he actually drinks it). I'mn not sure how to describe it without sounding like a Folger's commercial, but the boy wakes me up and kick-starts my brain.

Earlier this week, I was bemaoning the fact that I have no friends from college or high school to call up and hang out with. I'm just not all that great at making friends -- or at least I wasn't. I didn't really have any girlfriends that I could call on when my fiance dumped me, for example. No one came over with nail polish, Ben & Jerry's and a stack of Cosmo's for a male-bashing session.

That's okay, though; I made it all right without that support system. It might have gone on even longer if I had. I have a way of wallowing in misery that is nothing sort of horrifyingly pathetic. Anyway, I don't resent anyone for not being there for me because there was no one to blow me off. I wrote it out of my system, I guess. I suppose I could resent Adam for stealing a year of my life, but I can't even do that. He just isn't equipped to be a good husband. But in and among my misery as I tried to be his wife, I got to be a stepmom to the best little boy in the world, and for that, I will always thank him.

My point is this: I could be racked with feelings of inadequacy in the face of so much talent, listing my friends on one side of a 3x5 index card, knowing that my work is unsatisfying to say the least. But in the past week, I've realized (actually, I've been told by people I respect a great deal) that I'm talented, too. Eclipsic, whose writing skills I hold in very high esteem, told me that I'm a great writer, which warms me to my cockles, wherever they are. (By the way, babe, you're a damn good kisser, too.) Baroness Rosalind asked me if I would like to help make gifts for the Queen to hand out at Pennsic because I do such nice embroidery. Good to know my Grammie's legacy is appreciated.

And dammit, I do have friends.

-=30=-